Do You Find Me Beautiful?
“Do you find me beautiful?”
I remember a friend asking a guy that question over chat. She was met with a snippy “girl, we play for the same team” or something like that, because unbeknownst to her, apparently, he was gay.
When she told me about that experience, I couldn’t help but think to myself, “Why? Why do we women put ourselves in that position? Why do we make ourselves vulnerable in that way? Why is it so crucial for us to have an answer to the question of our beauty? And why do we go to broken men with this question?”
Why does it make us come alive when people – specifically men – assure us that they find us beautiful?
I ask my dad that question a lot, but whenever he says yes, I don’t believe him because he’s my dad. I figure that he’s supposed to say that. Thus, my usual reply to him would be, “Hmm… You’re just saying that because you’re my dad.” I think that frustrates him.
I’ve been thinking about this question lately and how much we, as women, seek an answer to it. I know of girls who are constantly told by men and women alike that they are beautiful. Some struggle with the wound of never having been told that they are beautiful. Some struggle with the agony of being told to their face that they are not beautiful – scarred deeply by tactless criticisms and cold insults.
As women, something deep inside us longs for an answer to that question: Am I beautiful? And it’s not even just about physical beauty. It’s about that inner beauty every woman longs to have – that beauty that radiates from within.
There’s something within us that needs to be assured that even when we grow old and we’re no longer in our prime, we would still be seen as beautiful.
I have this awesome, awesome friend who one day, out of nowhere, just gave me a numbered list of things I need to improve in order to make me less intimidating. He said, “Please know that who you are, what you know and how you act is intimidating. I’m sure even to the guys that you could possibly like. I wouldn’t be surprised if the girls get mad if they see their men even just talking to you.” He then expounded on why and gave me the list. He assured me that I was “beautiful and vibrant and smart and wonderful in every way,” but of all the assurances he gave me as a brother and as a really great friend, the only thing that hit me was that I was intimidating and that I needed to change.
Why is it so easy to believe the negative or the areas of improvement and yet it’s so hard to believe the positive? Maybe it’s true what they say… it takes at least ten compliments to erase one insult. Or maybe I’m just being really negative about myself.
My younger sister once tearfully told me that she has to accept that she’s not beautiful. If you know my sister personally, you’d know that that’s not normal. While I struggle with my own sense of beauty, she’s typically the one who goes, “I don’t care if nobody tells me I’m beautiful. I think I’m beautiful.” She wasn’t as confident that time.
I’m like, “What are you talking about? You are beautiful.” As she told me the reasons behind her confession, recounting the times when people have made her feel less than the beautiful person that she was, I realized that I myself wouldn’t have been assured by a nonchalant, “You’re beautiful. Believe it.”
I don’t know… I guess people were never meant to answer that question for us. I believe it helps when we are told that we are beautiful. Positive confession always does help, but that does not satisfy.
Maybe we need to first behold Beauty in order to become it. Maybe the Only One Who can really answer that question for us is He Who is Beautiful.
No conclusion here really… Just random thoughts… I’ll end with this quote told by Rumplestilskin to Belle in the show Once Upon a Time: “You try to find beauty in everyone, and when you don’t find it, you create it.”
Posted on January 7, 2014, in On Beauty, On Life and tagged beautiful, beauty, Christianity, Christlikeness, health, lifestyle, living, reflection, security, self esteem. Bookmark the permalink. 7 Comments.